We need to talk

We need to talk

I need to tell you something. You are amazing. Yes, I know that sounds cliched and you’ve seen a dozen social media quotes just this morning saying that exact same thing, but just let all that fluff and noise go for a moment – I’m being serious now.

You’re amazing because wherever you are now, you can entirely shift the energy of your life. Every moment has the potential for you to experience fulfilment. Notice I didn’t say every moment can be pleasant, comfortable or Instaworthy. But every moment contains a unique lesson and the key to your expansion into meaningfulness and deep joy.

I’m not talking about a process of getting from where you are to where you want to be, or going on a journey, or attaining a goal. I’m talking about you here and now in this moment. All the strength, wisdom, beauty and love that you think you need is all within you – hidden in plain sight. Another cliché. But sometimes ideas are repeated often enough to become cliches because they contain a truth. This is one of those times, and you are already what you are looking for.

How do I know this? I know this because I’m guessing you’re a human person, and all of us really do have a deep chewy centre of amazingness. And I have reached the point where I can see it in myself. The more I see it in myself, the more I see it in others. It’s there, believe me.

Let me share my unglamorous story. Most of my life has been a miserable downward spiral of chronic illness, depression, loneliness and being broke and uninspired. There were many years when the pain of existence was unbearable and I often contemplated ending my life. Eventually, when I was 43, I started to sort my life out and overhaul some unhelpful habits, but it would appear the damage was already done. Just as everything was starting to look better, I found out I had breast cancer.

Cancer is multifactorial and I don’t think the belief that everyone creates their own disease through negative thoughts is accurate or helpful. However, I felt uncomfortable thinking about how much time I had spent in the past decade willing myself to die. Maybe my body was following subconscious instructions. I didn’t have any plans for my life beyond 50, and in hindsight I can see I really did seem to be living with the assumption that I was on the home stretch. It had been a source of comfort to me in the bad times, that I didn’t have too much longer to go and soon it would all be over.

It’s difficult to believe I had that kind of attitude just a few years ago. But it turns out that I’m amazing, and I was able to transform myself and my life. You’re amazing too, you’re made from the same stuff as I am. Whatever you are facing, there is so much more strength in you than you know.

As I write this I am 45. I underwent conventional treatment (surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy) for the cancer with good results. All other areas of my physical and mental health have greatly improved and I have entered into a proper romantic relationship for the first time in nearly twenty years. I haven’t figured my whole life out or anything, but I am joyful and blazing with love and enthusiasm, which is a pretty good start.

I can say I am amazing without being arrogant or boastful because I am no more amazing than you are and my amazingness springs from the same divine force that animates every being on this planet. We are all divine beings having a human experience (yet another cliche). There is nothing remarkable about my meat suit, my mind or my personality. I have the standard human operating system with its many foibles and contradictions, but fortunately that whole structure is not truly me. I have to admit, my body is much more wise than I ever gave it credit for before, but it is still finite and limited and I am not.

I am not more divine now than I used to be, I just recognise it now. Seeking the divine within you is much like walking around with your sunglasses on your head looking for your sunglasses. Or being on the phone saying ‘Omigod I can’t find my phone!’. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who does that).

This blog is the result of an unrelenting urge to write about all this stuff. I sometimes think I don’t have anything very earth-shattering to say, but my whole life I have been reading books and blogs and some of them absolutely changed my life. It occurred to me one day that those people who had changed my life probably weren’t sure anyone would be interested in their thoughts. They probably even had people tell them their ideas were crap. I know in the case of a couple of bloggers that it really would have been much easier for them to keep their mouths shut. But they did make the effort of writing down their ideas and I’m so very grateful they did. If they ever said that if their work helped one person it would be worth it, then I’m their one person. And now maybe it’s time for me to reach out to and connect with my one person. Maybe it’s you.

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