Like many people, I developed a crippling sense of low self worth early on in life and carried it into adulthood. Low self worth can form in many ways and I probably would have suffered it without the contribution of religious messages, but religion certainly did kick it along and help it grow. When I … Continue reading We’re not worthy
I went to the psychiatrist a couple of weeks ago. I see him every six months or so, usually to assure him that I’m fine and get out of there as fast as possible before he prescribes me more medication. I don’t want to go because I like to tell myself that chapter of my … Continue reading Empathy begins at home
I’ve had a rough few days of feeling physically and mentally unwell. I can’t pinpoint the cause; maybe it’s hormones (or the ‘moans’ as I call them). Since having been plunged into a sudden early menopause by chemo drugs my moans are pretty mutinous. Whatever the cause, I am pulling out of it now, having … Continue reading Hello crapness my old friend…
I used to attend guided meditation classes where I drifted out into the universe and danced with the fairies or some such scenario until the facilitator's voice softly called everyone back to their bodies. Come back to my body? NOOOOO! I would open my eyes and everyone in the class was sitting there blinking in … Continue reading Living in my body
I am committed to being alive. I never used to be. I just drifted along dealing with whatever came up, thinking life would begin properly once this particular crisis had passed, or I was feeling better, or I had a job, or I had a different job. I was a disinterested party in my own … Continue reading Are you committed to your life?
For so many years I felt no anger. I was so deeply depressed I had gone beyond sadness into a flat desert wasteland of numbness. There were no highs, no lows; if you had asked me how I was I would have said 'fine' and meant it. I wasn't in anguish like I had previously … Continue reading The power of anger
As I was being wheeled into the anaesthetic bay for one of my surgeries, a nurse said to me: “Remember to do something that brings you joy every day.” By that stage I had figured that out for myself, but I still appreciated the advice. For the period of time that I was preoccupied with … Continue reading Moments of Joy